HOLLOMAN AIR FORCE BASE, N.M. - Marriage in any aspect can be
difficult at times, but being a military spouse can add even more
stress than you anticipate. You could be a civilian that married
into the military, or you could be a military member yourself
married to another military member. In either situation, nobody
wants to hear that their loved one just got tasked to deploy
overseas to an unannounced location with the world the way it is. So
what comes next? How do you handle the news?
The Airman and Family Readiness Center offers a variety of services
to assist families during deployments. (U.S. Air Force photo
illustration by Senior Airman Kasey Close, September 9, 2013)
I remember the day like it was yesterday. My husband and
I were meeting some friends at a local base event in early
September of last year. We were walking, speaking with
friends when we ran into a group of firefighters. This being
my husband's squadron, I thought nothing of it, just more
friends to talk to. Then it happened, my husband's chief
pulled him aside, and they immediately started talking
business when I was just close enough to hear. "So we're
sending you out next April." My first reaction: sending him
where? Then it hit me... the rumors were true. Deployment.
As a military member myself, this shouldn't be such a
shock to me. We all have to be ready to go at any time. I
still couldn't believe that it was even a possibility. We
were a newly married couple, still learning about each
other, and he was leaving. That wasn't even the worst part.
Finding out that he was leaving in April and it was
September only meant one thing: more time to wait,
anticipate and worry. My husband had already been on a
deployment, and didn't think twice about the news. "Just
part of the job" he would say. I, however, was fairly new to
the military and had never had a deployment experience, let
alone with a loved one. How was I supposed to handle these
next six months?
Time kept going
faster and faster, and my mind followed suit. Thoughts and
ideas shot through my mind. Maybe it'll get canceled? Maybe
they won't need my husband? The anticipation was driving me
crazy, and I started to doubt. Doubt that I could live here
on my own, with no family, no close friends. Could I handle
all financial needs, take care of vehicles, and even juggle
my job being a new young airman? I worried about things that
I had no control over, and I worried all the time. The
anxiety started to affect my mental health.
was something I had never dealt with before. It was a small
issue that I turned into a massive problem. Small things
that most people would shrug off would be an emotional mess
for me. Anytime someone said the word deployment, my heart
dropped, and I felt as though I could vomit. It didn't take
long before my husband started to notice. He tried to
reassure me that it would be over before I knew it and I
just needed to learn how to be independent and secure with
being on my own. My husband was used to it being just him.
Coming from England then Afghanistan, he was no stranger to
being so independent. I tried to understand his mindset, but
I come from a big family, and I was used to having someone
around at all times. As time went on, I tried harder and
harder to be stronger, but anxiety was winning.
the months went by the anxiety grew stronger, and I was
becoming a different person. I tried multiple approaches to
channel the stress. I saw a doctor and mental health
providers, but no matter how much I went, I was still just
this mess of unwanted emotions. I wanted him with me at all
times. I wanted to spend every living moment I had with him.
He's been my rock, my best friend, my support system in this
new lifestyle, how did I know I could live without him for
seven months? I didn't know, and that was the fear fueling
March was over and I still wasn't ready.
I'd been so crazy the last few months that it was no wonder
my husband was ready to go. I kept praying, kept hoping,
kept anticipating that last night we were going to have
together. And then it came.
I cried more that last
night than I have in my entire life. It was happening, he
was leaving. I didn't sleep that night, just laid there next
to him as he slept, as morning came way too fast. I got up
in silence, I got dressed and we put his bags in the car. I
pulled up to the fire station, and we unloaded his things.
The rest of his team started to come in, and I knew that
moment all the anxiety I had been building up was coming.
Goodbye. As he walked me to my car I didn't even have words,
just tears that streamed down my face. We hugged and kissed,
and he reassured me it'll be over before I knew it. At that
point I was numb and could only shake my head. I kissed him
one more time and drove home without him.
into my apartment, and I knew that apartment was going to be
empty for the next seven months. I tried to sleep, but I was
woken by my phone. It was my husband, calling to ask me how
I was doing, and to say he was about to start his transit. I
sucked it up and told him to be safe. We hung up the phone
and I cried again, this time harder than before. Then
reality hit, and what shocked me the most, all the anxiety
up to that point had released. I had nothing left to fear.
He was gone. Now comes the real test: how do I live these
next several months?
By USAF Airman 1st Class Leah Murray
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