Two Beautiful Days
(May 23, 2009) | 
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| The month of May tends to be a difficult month
for me as a mother and as I write these words I know that to be
the case for so many mother's across this great nation.
Sandwiched between two beautiful days of recognition and honor
are memories I hold very dear to my heart and will always
cherish in this lifetime. The two days I'm referring to are
Mother's Day and Memorial Day. Both are days of remembrance and
honor, although with completely opposite meanings. The mother's
I speak of and that I have been blessed and humbled to cross
paths with, are women of great strength and faith, but also
encouragers who carry a pain deep in their hearts, a pain that
carries with it the emotions of grief and sorrow at the loss of
their child – a Fallen American Hero. They are the sons and
daughters who grew to be men and women of honor and dignity and
who chose to stand out from others and answer the call of
military service in the United States Armed Forces. There will
never be any doubt in my mind that they were some of the best
our nation had to offer, taken from us long before their time.
This journey of grief and sorrow is a very personal and intense
one, and one few will escape experiencing at some point in life.
The difference is, some will be able to prepare in advance and
others, such as those I write of in this story, myself included
could not have imagined – a ring of the doorbell or knock at the
door piercing the silence of most homes, with words spoken to
deliver the unfathomable message.
As Mother's Day came and went this year I struggled more than I
have in previous years. Consider with me for a moment the
“sting” of emotions that envelope you when you experience pain.
For those left behind after the loss of a child that "sting,"
can resemble a swarm of hornets. Grief and sorrow aside, over
the past four years I have at times been surprised by my own
"hornets" of anxiety and confusion, of why, of loneliness, not
to mention immeasurable tears. As a Christian I rejoice at my
son's reunion with his Heavenly Father. Yet as a Mother, I mourn
a great loss and the fact that quite simply I miss my son, my
only child, the legacy of our family. I miss his smile, the
mischievous glint in his eyes after playing a practical joke,
his laughter, his innocence, his heart for others and most of
all his hugs, those warm embracing arms of love. There have been
times on this journey where both John and I have found ourselves
overwhelmed with facing life as parents without our son, to
enjoy those precious moments life offers; the thoughts of that
“daughter” who would have been the lady in his life, the
potential of grandchildren or the myriad of other happy times.
On this journey the one resounding and constant companion for us
has been our Faith. Faith has become our autopilot. A Faith that
helps me get through the toughest of days, Mothers Day, Memorial
Day, birthdays, holidays and for that matter every day. Coming
to terms with the deep emotional pain of grief and not allowing
it to overtake my life, by giving it up to God and asking for
His constant comfort and guidance on what He desires for me on
this life journey. In turn, He has promised to help me find my
way through the swarm of emotional hornets.
As Mother's Day gives way to Memorial Day it is the first time
I've coupled the fact that both of these beautiful days of
remembrance and cherished memories fall between one another.
This is the fourth year since our son Specialist Matthew Holley
was killed in action while serving our nation during Operation
Iraqi Freedom. Some days I find myself sprinting, while other
days I crawl taking a now familiar path of being a Gold Star
Mother, one whose child gave the ultimate sacrifice in service
to our country. As promised, my Heavenly Father has truly become
my ever present parent, never forsaking, always uplifting,
always guiding – Always There. As Psalm 34:18 reminds me, "The
Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are
crushed in spirit." He has never left me alone in my grief.
Recently I came across a piece that put words around some of my
feelings of remembrance. In her book A Mother's Heart Knows,
Martha McSweeney shared the following: "A mother's heart knows
how to stretch and to grow. A mother's heart knows when it's
time to let go." Letting go is an essential part of being a Mom.
"Let go to let grow" should be the motto of motherhood.” As a
mother considering those words it's hard not to look back on
those moments of letting go over the years. After all in most
situations is it not Mom who lets go of her child's hand as they
take their first steps alone, Mom who lets go of the bicycle
handlebars as her child takes that first ride alone and Mom who
lets go as the young adult spreads their wings and prepares to
leave their childhood home. In letting go, the mother and child,
experience their own purposeful growth. I can only imagine that
on a cool November evening in 2005, in a war zone known as “The
Sandbox” – half way around the world, surrounded by his battle
buddies that Matthew "let go, to let grow." Because of his
profession of faith so many years before, I know his growth was
immediate as he entered into the presence of his Heavenly
Father. As these past few years have come to pass, I've come to
accept that for me this has become a journey of growing in
deeper faith and at times it has been a rather painful
stretching process. Yet, I find comfort in understanding that
this emotional workout has an ultimate purpose - strength and
stamina through God's grace to mold His course in my life.
As Memorial Day arrives Galatians 5:13 resounds in my mind,
“You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your
freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another
in love.” For some, this weekend will be all about the extra day
off, the start of the summer season with barbecues, a time of
traveling or time to hang out with family and friends. At the
same time for many families across this nation Memorial Day will
be about celebrating something that for some is rather difficult
to fully comprehend – the sacrifices of men and women who have
given of their lives for the sake of freedom. Each of them is a
hero who offers a unique story in the annuals of American
history; each an American who willingly laid down his or her
life for a greater cause, in love and for their fellow man.
Perhaps part of the struggle to understand these fallen heroes
comes with the difficulty in accepting their sacrifice,
especially when that sacrifice seems so final and for those who
hold no depth of understanding, appears to hold no obvious
reward. The idea that anyone could give up everything – for
someone they didn't even know – is difficult at best, and in
many ways beyond comprehension. We spend so much of life trying
to gain, to acquire and to win. Our country is home to the
American Dream, the land of opportunity. So contemplating the
sacrifice of a fallen hero can be uncomfortable and even
confusing.
In approaching this weekend, my prayer is that those across this
great land not lose sight of why America observes this day of
honor and remembrance. I have but a few requests to ask on
behalf of those who have sacrificed all for the sake of freedom.
Wherever you may be take a moment to remember these heroes of
past and present and to lift up in prayer the mom's and dad's
and extended families left behind. To consider those men and
women who continue to gallantly serve our nation in dangerous
places around the world. Like those who have gone before them,
they face uncertainties on a daily basis, and as they do they
find strength and courage as they take their positions on the
front line of freedom. While enjoying the extended weekend be
sure to give thanks for those heroes of today, for there truly
is no greater privilege to humanity on earth than to be free. If
you know someone currently serving in the military send them a
card, email them a note, put a note on their favorite social
networking site, send them a text message or better yet call
them and thank them for their service. This is a day that should
bring gratitude to every American heart. This nation has been,
and will always be defended by those who loved liberty more than
life and freedom more than their own safety. In the span of a
few days of remembrance over an extended weekend, we honor their
memory as an annual reminder of a debt that can never be repaid.
My hope is that as Americans we keep this in mind as we observe
Memorial Day with those who surround us with love and to be
reminded of what Abraham Lincoln said: "The mystic cords of
memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to
every living heart...should swell a mighty chorus of remembrance
and gratitude and rededication on this solemn occasion." Lest we
never forget, Freedom is Not Free!
With love and humble appreciation for those who have been by
John's and my side and lifted us up in prayer on this journey. | By Stacey Holley
Copyright 2009
All Rights Reserved
About Author:
Stacey is the proud Gold Star mom of Spc. Matthew John Holley,
Combat Medic – 101st Airborne, who was killed in action on
November 15, 2005 while serving in Iraq.
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